I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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