i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need to align my fucking chakras
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
