Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
