When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
