Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
