3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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