WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
