i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
