it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
