I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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