she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
