i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
