my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
