The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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