What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
