my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
