I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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