I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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