we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
