ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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