i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
