is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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