Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
