Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
