i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
