Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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