Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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