No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
