Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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