What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
