She said her name was "party"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
