Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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