when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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