I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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