I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
