nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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