Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
