lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize