I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
