he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
