I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
