What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I met the friendliest cop last night
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
being pregnant is like rehab
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
