Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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