we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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