I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
