from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
