Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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