I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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