I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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