Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize