im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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