I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
