So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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