I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I've blown a few things in my day
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Come see our sink grown plant.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
