Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
