I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
