Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She told me I should be a condom model.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
