Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
