someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We smell like vodka and hangover
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