Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize