Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
