sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
