I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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