so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
