You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
