remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize