...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
