so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He did a backflip because drugs
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
