so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
