i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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