I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
